Divorce

Divorce has gone wild through our world in the last 50 years. Divorce before then was really not an option and if it did happen was kept very secret. Now divorce is publicized and thought of as no big deal. Divorce has become an easy way out and has ruined many peoples lives. When divorce occurs it not only hurts the parents, but the children. Divorce is not something to be taken lightly and often times most marriages can, and should, be worked through which almost always result in happiness later. There are few reasons to get a divorce and very careful consideration should be put into it before deciding. Here are some quotes about divorce.

“Though our actions often fall short, the celestial law treats the bonds of marriage as permanent.”

“What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” (Mark 10:6-9)

The effects of divorce on Children:

- - Feelings of loneliness

- - Less likely to graduate high school or go onto college, or graduate school

- - More likely to doubt parents beliefs

- - Less likely to attend church

- - More likely to be sexually active earlier in life

- - More likely to experience divorce themselves

“In the celestial law of marriage, God has commanded us to remain together and keep our marriages strong, even when that means we must partake of some of the bitter fruits of life together.” (Insight from Moses 4:18)

“There is now and again a legitimate cause for divorce. I am not one to say that it is never justified. But I say without hesitation that this plague among us…is not of God.” President Gordon B. Hinckley

“In my opinion a ‘just cause’ should be nothing less than a prolonged and apparently irredeemable relationship which is destructive of a person’s dignity as a human being…Surely it is not simply ‘mental distress’ nor ‘personality differences,’ nor ‘having grown apart,’ nor ‘having fallen out of love.’ This is especially so where there are children.” President James E. Faust

1. Prolonged difficulties

- Spouses should not seek a divorce without a lengthy period of time to attempt to repair or reduce serious problems (although if there are safety issues, then a separation is likely necessary while assessing whether change can occur).

- Most unhappy marriages become happy again if couples hang on and work to resolve their problems.

- Unfortunately many people divorce after a short period of problems and make their decisions quickly, based almost solely on emotion.

2. Apparently irredeemable relationship

- If one spouse is unwilling or unable to make such an effort, this does not excuse the other spouse from determining his or her part in any problems and making needed change.

- The Lord will “consecrate [our] afflictions for [our] gain.” (2 Nephi 2:1-2)

- Seek counseling before a divorce, church leaders and marriage counselors can help see the problems from a different perspective.

- Long-lasting marital unhappiness is uncommon; unhappy marriages often improve significantly over time for those who are patient and keep trying to work things out.

- Patience and perseverance and effort will fix almost any problem in marriage

3. Destruction of human dignity

- The marital problems have become serious enough over a period of time that an individual begins to lose his or her sense of worth.

- Feeling unhappy or unfulfilled in the marriage does not meet this standard

- Life is full of problems; it is in dealing with those problems that is the central purpose of marriage.

- We need to make sure that divorce is the only answer, because divorce can end up making us even more unhappy for a longer amount of time, if it is not absolutely necessary.

- Most times family and friends should encourage a marriage to stay together, but there may be times when a family member or close friend will need to prayerfully and carefully intervene to help a loved one see that the marriage has become destructive or unsafe and strengthen them to make a difficult decision to divorce.

“Circumstances surrounding each marital breakdown are unique and perhaps cannot be fully understood by others. Thus only the individuals involved-and an omniscient and all-loving God can determine ‘just cause.’”

“We do not believe that a spouse’s spiritual wanderings are just cause for divorce…Instead we should offer compassion, love, and patience as a light to attract our spouse back onto the path of full righteousness.”

“For most marriage problems, the remedy is not divorce but repentance. Often the cause is not incompatibility but selfishness.”

“Personal and couple prayer and the faith that motivates it can soften hearts and help strengthen marital relationships.”

Three recommended books for those who are at the crossroads of divorce:

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (Gottman & Silver, 1999), The Divorce Remedy (Davis, 2001), Covenant Hearts (Hafen, 2005).