Divorce

Divorce has gone wild through our world in the last 50 years. Divorce before then was really not an option and if it did happen was kept very secret. Now divorce is publicized and thought of as no big deal. Divorce has become an easy way out and has ruined many peoples lives. When divorce occurs it not only hurts the parents, but the children. Divorce is not something to be taken lightly and often times most marriages can, and should, be worked through which almost always result in happiness later. There are few reasons to get a divorce and very careful consideration should be put into it before deciding. Here are some quotes about divorce.

“Though our actions often fall short, the celestial law treats the bonds of marriage as permanent.”

“What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” (Mark 10:6-9)

The effects of divorce on Children:

- - Feelings of loneliness

- - Less likely to graduate high school or go onto college, or graduate school

- - More likely to doubt parents beliefs

- - Less likely to attend church

- - More likely to be sexually active earlier in life

- - More likely to experience divorce themselves

“In the celestial law of marriage, God has commanded us to remain together and keep our marriages strong, even when that means we must partake of some of the bitter fruits of life together.” (Insight from Moses 4:18)

“There is now and again a legitimate cause for divorce. I am not one to say that it is never justified. But I say without hesitation that this plague among us…is not of God.” President Gordon B. Hinckley

“In my opinion a ‘just cause’ should be nothing less than a prolonged and apparently irredeemable relationship which is destructive of a person’s dignity as a human being…Surely it is not simply ‘mental distress’ nor ‘personality differences,’ nor ‘having grown apart,’ nor ‘having fallen out of love.’ This is especially so where there are children.” President James E. Faust

1. Prolonged difficulties

- Spouses should not seek a divorce without a lengthy period of time to attempt to repair or reduce serious problems (although if there are safety issues, then a separation is likely necessary while assessing whether change can occur).

- Most unhappy marriages become happy again if couples hang on and work to resolve their problems.

- Unfortunately many people divorce after a short period of problems and make their decisions quickly, based almost solely on emotion.

2. Apparently irredeemable relationship

- If one spouse is unwilling or unable to make such an effort, this does not excuse the other spouse from determining his or her part in any problems and making needed change.

- The Lord will “consecrate [our] afflictions for [our] gain.” (2 Nephi 2:1-2)

- Seek counseling before a divorce, church leaders and marriage counselors can help see the problems from a different perspective.

- Long-lasting marital unhappiness is uncommon; unhappy marriages often improve significantly over time for those who are patient and keep trying to work things out.

- Patience and perseverance and effort will fix almost any problem in marriage

3. Destruction of human dignity

- The marital problems have become serious enough over a period of time that an individual begins to lose his or her sense of worth.

- Feeling unhappy or unfulfilled in the marriage does not meet this standard

- Life is full of problems; it is in dealing with those problems that is the central purpose of marriage.

- We need to make sure that divorce is the only answer, because divorce can end up making us even more unhappy for a longer amount of time, if it is not absolutely necessary.

- Most times family and friends should encourage a marriage to stay together, but there may be times when a family member or close friend will need to prayerfully and carefully intervene to help a loved one see that the marriage has become destructive or unsafe and strengthen them to make a difficult decision to divorce.

“Circumstances surrounding each marital breakdown are unique and perhaps cannot be fully understood by others. Thus only the individuals involved-and an omniscient and all-loving God can determine ‘just cause.’”

“We do not believe that a spouse’s spiritual wanderings are just cause for divorce…Instead we should offer compassion, love, and patience as a light to attract our spouse back onto the path of full righteousness.”

“For most marriage problems, the remedy is not divorce but repentance. Often the cause is not incompatibility but selfishness.”

“Personal and couple prayer and the faith that motivates it can soften hearts and help strengthen marital relationships.”

Three recommended books for those who are at the crossroads of divorce:

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (Gottman & Silver, 1999), The Divorce Remedy (Davis, 2001), Covenant Hearts (Hafen, 2005).

Parenting

Parents should:
- listen to their children
- listen for feelings
- check for understanding

When your child get's to be a teenager your commands and punishments will have no ruling over them, the thing that will help them most is their relationship with you. If there is mutual respect then they are more likely to listen to you.

How to ask tell your child something:
- Politely ask them to do it
- Send an I message... When you ________, I feel ____________. Because __________. and I would like ______________.
The I message should be used rarely.
If these two thing don't work then
- Reprove betimes with sharpness meaning be direct and firm but not mean.
Do not use personal attacks ex: you're such a slob would you just pick up your socks?
instead say: Could you please pick up your socks?

There is no need for punishments in parenting. Punishment is something done to inferiors to show that you are superior. This can destroy the self-esteem of a child. There should be logical consequences instead of punishment

Irritating behavior usually means the child needs attention and physical touch. Just making eye contact and talking to them can fix this problem.

Keep a Budget

"The American Bar association has indicated that 89% of all divorces can be traced to quarrels and accusations over money." It's important that we budget our money carefully so we don't become part of this statistic. It is possible to keep a budget and it will be of great value to us. In the pamphlet One for the Money: A guide to family finance by Elder Marvin J. Ashton, he proposed 11 ideas that will help us better manage our finances.
1. Pay an Honest Tithing
2. Learn to Manage Money Before it Manages You
3. Learn Self-Discipline and Self-Restraint in Money Matters
4. Use a Budget
5. Teach Family Members Early the Importance of Working and Earning
6. Teach Children to Make Money Decisions in keeping with their Capacities to Comprehend
7. Teach each family member to contribute to the total family welfare
8. Make Education a Continuing Process
9. Work Toward Home Ownership
10. Appropriately Involve Yourself in an Insurance Program
11. Understand the Influence of External Forces on Family Finances and Investments
12. Appropriately Involve Yourself in a Food Storage and Emergency Preparedness Program

I believe that just by trying to keep a better budget and really focusing on your finances is going to help tremendously, we can live off of less than we already are. We are all natural men, and believe that we need more than we actually do, with the Lord's help we can live within our means.

Why Mom's should stay home

Mother's are so important to growing children, even teenagers need their mothers. Something that I never told my mother, but that had a great impact on me is my memories of her being home when i got home from school. I remember my siblings and I would run to her and talk her ear off all at the same time, then we would go play. We talked about this fact in class, there is a 15 minute window of time right after children get home from school that they will tell you anything and everything that happened in their day. This is a crucial time for parents to figure out what's happening in their children's lives. Just have a snack ready for them and have them eat a snack while they tell you about their day, this can be precious time for you and your children, if you make it. When I got into high school, my littlest brother went to Kindergarten and my mother went to work, I hated coming home to an empty house. I wanted to tell me mom everything, but wouldn't feel like talking once she got home an hour later. Now that she has a job she is rushing to get dinner made, clean the house, and do all the tasks that she couldn't do while she was working. This, although isn't a bad thing, really had an impact on my life.
I think sometimes mothers feel like they have to work to afford their lives, but mothers working usually only make $1 or less an hour because of the cost of gas to get to work, childcare, and other extra expenses that come because mom is at work.
Having a mom at home makes all the difference. This work as a stay at home mom is not degrading, but is the most rewarding work, no other job can give the happiness that being a mom does.
Who do you want to be raising your children? A stranger who could be teaching your child great things, but will never be able to teach them the same things that mom can?
We have a responsibility to go against what the world says is appropriate and do what we know is best. To be at home with our family, this will bring the most help to the world, because greater stability in the nation first starts in the home.

How to Help Someone Overcome the Affects of Abuse

One must need to know these things when trying to over come the affects of abuse especially sexual abuse:

1. Evil is always stupid
- The brain tries to make sense of things, but evil doesn't make sense it's always stupid. You have to understand that what happened isn't going to make sense.

2. Abuse Hurts Spirits
- You're going to feel tarnished, dirty, and upset that these things happened, but know that these events don't break our spirits it just hurts them, but they can be healed.

3. Limited time...
- Realize that these things that happened to you are only a small portion of your life.
- Dwell on the good things that have happened in your life, not on the bad.
- Stay positive
- Write in your journal your feelings and the things that you have learned from your experiences. Don't just write the bad things, but the good things too. This will help you to remember all the good times when your having a bad day.

A random thought that isn't directly related to this, but is still related is that there is a difference between an apology and asking for forgiveness. Forgiveness is asking you to change how someone is reacting to a situation. Whereas an apology is changing yourself and really being sorry for your actions.